Don't Be a Tightwad. Not a Good Look.
Woke up this morning in a brooding funk. I picked up a book, Fathers and Sons, from the hotel and the always optimistic thought life of the authors (husband, wife, and son) had me walk away a little jealous and a little reflective regarding privelege. But I am enjoying the book. The family is not without their challenges. Ben had polio, which ruined him to sublime physicality (he was an athlete), he was on his third marriage with Sally, and their son, Quinn, was born with a heart defect, the cause and effect of which left him learning disabled.
Ben writes the most and he has a no-nonsense way of thinking. You just get on with it, whatever it is that needs getting on with. I like that. I can be so overly critical of everything, getting on becomes such a barricaded road you just want to stay put until things are clear. Which they never are. Reminded me this morning of the admonition of Rohr: "Don't take your temperature too much". Then I recalled Proverbs 23:7: "As a man thinks, so is he".
I want to be reflective, to learn the lessons I am supposed to learn, but not to the point of disability. I can think my way out of any kind of movement at all. Don't want to do that. The real hero in the book thus far, to me, is Ben's father. He has obviously shaped Ben into his way of thinking, the ability to "just get on with it". Ben says of his father that he was always honest, so he was trusted. And he was caring, a good father who tried his damndest to provide what was needed for those to whom he was supposed to provide.
His son, Freddy, turned out to be gay, and Ben's dad ("B"), never loved him any less. B supported him the way a father should support a son, even though it was depression era time and most families would have been in deep crisis. You most see B's influence on Ben through the taking to the woods. Ben worked the land he owned in West Virginia, sawing trees and cutting limbs, clearing and burning to make the land beautiful. It was he learned from his father.
I don't imagine that B's or Ben's thoughts are overly complicated during this taming work, they just worked on what was right in front of them. And in both of their lives there was an intuitive affinity for that sort of thing, because they probably knew that otherwise you turn insular. You think too much. Brings new meaning to "as a man thinks, so is he". If we can just stop thinking so damn much we can be what we're supposed to be.
In my mind the "as a man thinks" proverb was out of context. The saying, when put in full, is meant to warn of taking a meal from a "tightwad" (msg). The NIV says, "he's the kind of person who will always be thinking about the cost". Am I that person? Am I always thinking about the cost? Am I always putting things into checks and balances and estimating who owes what? That is such a far place from where I want to be in terms of generous living.
Lord Jesus, I am overly critical of myself and others. As You are who You are, so I am who I am. What can I change? But I ask You to guide me in living generously. To not be such a miser with the things that I have, inside and out. Help me to trust in Your provision for today, to rely on it, and know that You are not a miser. You are not a "tightwad". You gave it all, and continue to do so. And I thank You for it.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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