Behaving Badly

I behaved badly yesterday. I barked at a teacher, "you're not considerate" when he came to the office needing an install of software. Inwardly, I wanted my wife to just be quiet while I sat and worked on my data spreadsheet, a source of calm I've come to realize for me. In both cases, and throughout the day, I sensed hostility in me. Just leave me alone is what I felt throughout the day.

I'm reading Foster now on submission, surrendering your rights. In that paradoxical way that most Christianity exists, so submission also is for liberation rather than bondage. Freedom is the goal, not subservience. The idea is to be in a place where you can freely give yourself to others, rather than being forced into that posture and stewing over it, destroying the soul.

Lord, I behaved badly. Lead me to a place of true repentance for my badness. I feel that I am so worthy of being heard, of being followed, of having my way, getting to do the things that I want. It's selfish. I've long known about my selfish streak, but what do I do about it? Here it is with me... still. Yet, let me be here in this placed, not astonished. Let me drink deeply from the cup that you are giving me, that I may pass from this life into the Life of God.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

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