Happiness is not dependent on getting what you want

Up to this point in Foster's book I have been overall pleased with nicety of the pursuits described. All things that make us happy: meditation, prayer, solitude, fasting. All of these are items in popular culture today with clear benefits. But now I dig into a chapter that is less commonly discussed, at the crux of my faith: The Cross!

Foster explains clearly that he began with the "back door" to submission, because it has gotten such a bad wrap, been misconstrued, misunderstood. Folks either embrace submission wrongly (self-mutilation) or discard it (self-indulgence). I'm definitely in the latter camp, but I'm sure I have some unhealthy compulsions in the first camp, too. I mean, isn't self-indulgence just one form of self-mutilation? Are we not submitting to the god of the world?

But if there is a crux issue for me, it is this: I have become slothful about my decision making. I let things happen. I'm just kind of standing by. In the meantime, I pleasure myself. I eat what I want, I do work when I want. It's not exactly as "bad" as I'm painting the picture, but there is no doubt that I feel convicted right now with the lack of discipline that's in my life. So much so, that I'm clearly overlooking the many ways that I am disciplined.

But disciplined to what end?

Oh Lord, discipline is not the goal, You are. I'm stuck. I don't trust You at times. I find it hard to bend the knee. But if my knee doesn't bend, what then? Don't let me become unrepentent and stiff. Rigid and immovable. Soften the stone heart and help me to see the good that You have planned for me. Help me to see that You desire even me. Help me to step forward in faith that I will make contact with You, and that I will mature to have a more consistent path with You. But let me not be deceived that I will have a grip on You, yet let me get a grip with You.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

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