I Saw That

Last night, I was being watched. And what do I have to say for my conduct through the night. I can defend it by saying, "these are my last days of break, give me a break." But the frequency with which I consume large amounts of alcohol is probably too high.

There is a quote which I cut from last year's Passion Planner, a very simple and enlightening one: "I saw that." ~Karma.

In the fire, just at the start, I saw a lady's eyes, and it freaked me out. It began the night in paranoia, nonetheless, I persisted in hanging by the fire, drinking, reading. Who knows when it would have ended, and how, had I not gotten a 1 AM phone call from Jess. I was mad it her for that. In my mind I thought, "can't you just let me be, woman?"

But I'm sure it's for the best. I came in and took a shower and went to bed to read some more Americanah.

Break is over. It's time to work.

Lord Jesus, the chief reason that I think nights of excess are so detrimental is due to the confusion they cause me in the aftermath. Somehow the all night justifying takes a toll on my belief muscle, and chews away at faith. I pray that I make better decisions, but that I don't see my faith and my salvation wrapped up in my decision making. I pray that I see myself as a "lifer" with You. That I will follow through to the end what You started with me in the beginning.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

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