Toot Your Own Horn
"Celebration brings joy into life." ~Foster
I was bummed last night. When I asked my wife if she loved me she said, "of course I love you", and left it at that. I was looking for more affirmation, evidence of love. But she has been telling me that when she says something she means it, so maybe I have to learn to rest a bit more than seeking aforementioned affirmation. But it's one of my love languages!
I was bummed. I've also been trying to analyze what gets me to feeling this way. I think it's differences in expectations and approach. If Jess and I to sit down and talk calendaring our week to get stuff done (business) and I'm expecting us to connect and look into each others' eyes, while she's just expecting to get clarity on what is happening throughout the week, there are going to be some unmet expectations. The process will take too long for her and it will be too disconnected for me.
I go on feeling this way, and last night I fart! In the walk-in closet, as I was bending over to get my pants off, the squeezing of a boomer came from my behind. I don't know what it was about it. It was the timing with my body's bending, the reverberant sound in the small room, the swift dryness of it, all gas and sound, no shit. Whatever it was I laughed. Hard. By myself, in a closet, uncontrollably. I kept trying to get my wits about me, taking deep breaths, wiping my face with my hands, and regained moments of composure in the closet. Yet, as soon as I lay down next to my wife I burst into unruly laughter once again. I was beginning to tear up, face in my pillow, as I explained to my wife through the gasps of air that I could collect between laughing episodes just why I was laughing. I told her it was like a "movie fart... and the sound of it, when it happened."And then she began laughing. She said, "I'm just glad it happened in the closet." Nonetheless, this thing that happened, which she had no connection to the point of it, she was heartily laughing at with me.
The whole episode made me think of a story I had read about contagious laughter in Africa. Episodes where over 200 school children in a couple of local Ugandan villages were impacted by school girl laughter. The Tanganyika laughter epidemic is a documented and researched epidemic that is considered a bad thing, but I wonder how bad it was. Said to be brought about by cultural dissonance in the face of extreme hard times, laughter broke out. The world was unknowable to these little girls, and their only response was to laugh. I remember when a Angelo, childhood friend in Port Jeff, and I cut school and went back to my house. We were in my room and my mom came home unexpectedly. We locked the door of my room and sat on my bed, waiting for her to get her lunch and leave. As she walked through the house we could not see her, but we could hear her. Finally, somehow, with her mom senses, sensing something was wrong she came over to the door. Angelo burst out in laughter, but we did not open the door. It was a strange instance. Angelo laughed because he was expecting to get caught, my mom didn't demand we come out because she was a defeated person at that point, and had to get back to work.
So what to make of my fart? Was my uncontrollable laughter the result of life trauma, or the result of the need for a good laugh at that time? Is there a difference? Whatever the case, laughter came into the space, and it lightened the mood when the dust settled. There was fallout from that laughter. My wife laughed. My mood changed. Though I knew that I would have to explain myself to my later, I had a good laugh in relief with Angelo, after my mom left the house.
And all of this makes me think of celebration. Planned laughter. All of the above instances come without provocation, per se--even though the environment itself is provoker, there is no intentionality behind it. But celebration is planning to identify the thing you are happy about and to get giddy about about it. After, experiencing the mind-altering, mood changing effects of impulse laughter, I may now purposely seek out more ways to toot my own horn.
Lord Jesus, life is stressful. But You give us laughter to deal with stress. For moments that are dire, You have built into our construction a revealing response. When we laugh we realize that it's not quite as bad as we deem it to be. Though our worlds have crumbled, and we no longer stand on solid ground, yet, we are still here. And more often that not, being here does not mean alone, but we are surrounded by people to love, and those who love us back. Help me to find cause for celebration everyday. My disposition is turning sour. I am all the time a pessimist. It's hard to get my footing. My world has fallen apart, and I'm not exactly sure why or from what. It sounds like depression, and maybe it is. Still, lead me to celebrate and find joy.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
My prayer made me think of this song: Switchfoot - You
I was bummed last night. When I asked my wife if she loved me she said, "of course I love you", and left it at that. I was looking for more affirmation, evidence of love. But she has been telling me that when she says something she means it, so maybe I have to learn to rest a bit more than seeking aforementioned affirmation. But it's one of my love languages!
I was bummed. I've also been trying to analyze what gets me to feeling this way. I think it's differences in expectations and approach. If Jess and I to sit down and talk calendaring our week to get stuff done (business) and I'm expecting us to connect and look into each others' eyes, while she's just expecting to get clarity on what is happening throughout the week, there are going to be some unmet expectations. The process will take too long for her and it will be too disconnected for me.
I go on feeling this way, and last night I fart! In the walk-in closet, as I was bending over to get my pants off, the squeezing of a boomer came from my behind. I don't know what it was about it. It was the timing with my body's bending, the reverberant sound in the small room, the swift dryness of it, all gas and sound, no shit. Whatever it was I laughed. Hard. By myself, in a closet, uncontrollably. I kept trying to get my wits about me, taking deep breaths, wiping my face with my hands, and regained moments of composure in the closet. Yet, as soon as I lay down next to my wife I burst into unruly laughter once again. I was beginning to tear up, face in my pillow, as I explained to my wife through the gasps of air that I could collect between laughing episodes just why I was laughing. I told her it was like a "movie fart... and the sound of it, when it happened."And then she began laughing. She said, "I'm just glad it happened in the closet." Nonetheless, this thing that happened, which she had no connection to the point of it, she was heartily laughing at with me.
The whole episode made me think of a story I had read about contagious laughter in Africa. Episodes where over 200 school children in a couple of local Ugandan villages were impacted by school girl laughter. The Tanganyika laughter epidemic is a documented and researched epidemic that is considered a bad thing, but I wonder how bad it was. Said to be brought about by cultural dissonance in the face of extreme hard times, laughter broke out. The world was unknowable to these little girls, and their only response was to laugh. I remember when a Angelo, childhood friend in Port Jeff, and I cut school and went back to my house. We were in my room and my mom came home unexpectedly. We locked the door of my room and sat on my bed, waiting for her to get her lunch and leave. As she walked through the house we could not see her, but we could hear her. Finally, somehow, with her mom senses, sensing something was wrong she came over to the door. Angelo burst out in laughter, but we did not open the door. It was a strange instance. Angelo laughed because he was expecting to get caught, my mom didn't demand we come out because she was a defeated person at that point, and had to get back to work.
So what to make of my fart? Was my uncontrollable laughter the result of life trauma, or the result of the need for a good laugh at that time? Is there a difference? Whatever the case, laughter came into the space, and it lightened the mood when the dust settled. There was fallout from that laughter. My wife laughed. My mood changed. Though I knew that I would have to explain myself to my later, I had a good laugh in relief with Angelo, after my mom left the house.
And all of this makes me think of celebration. Planned laughter. All of the above instances come without provocation, per se--even though the environment itself is provoker, there is no intentionality behind it. But celebration is planning to identify the thing you are happy about and to get giddy about about it. After, experiencing the mind-altering, mood changing effects of impulse laughter, I may now purposely seek out more ways to toot my own horn.
Lord Jesus, life is stressful. But You give us laughter to deal with stress. For moments that are dire, You have built into our construction a revealing response. When we laugh we realize that it's not quite as bad as we deem it to be. Though our worlds have crumbled, and we no longer stand on solid ground, yet, we are still here. And more often that not, being here does not mean alone, but we are surrounded by people to love, and those who love us back. Help me to find cause for celebration everyday. My disposition is turning sour. I am all the time a pessimist. It's hard to get my footing. My world has fallen apart, and I'm not exactly sure why or from what. It sounds like depression, and maybe it is. Still, lead me to celebrate and find joy.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
My prayer made me think of this song: Switchfoot - You
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