Prozac Nation

Yesterday I was irritable at times, conflicted. I wanted to spend less time on the road, more time hanging out with friends. I wanted to Jess to come home so that I didn't have to watch Sadie alone. I wanted to go in and watch Disney shorts with Jess and Sadie, but instead I worked. With each venture, there was pressure from something else pushing on the thing that I was doing at the time. Friend time was pushing in on driving time, Jess not being home was pushing in on family time, work was pushing in on family time.

Here's the thing. Jess got to go to Arlington to check about a muraling job. We got to spend time with our worship team friends and eat amazing food with Sadie in attendance. Jess got to get a haircut, and I got to spend some one-on-one time with Sadie, where I learned that some of the things that we do in one-on-one time she remembers, and likes to do with just daddy. I got a chance to complete some work so that it's not put off and overwhelming the next two days, and I did get some time watching a couple of Disney shorts with my girls. And I made love to my wife. Of course, it was a quickie, though.

Life is all pressed up on top of itself. It's convoluted. Everything is rubbing up against everything else, and worse yet, protruding into everywhere else. Nothing can be enjoyed. In part, this is my fault. Jess often says that I exhaust her; my constant claim for things to be better leaves her feeling worse. And no place is this clearer than our love life.

I want to be the best lover. And I want Jess to also be the best lover she can be. But Jess is realistic. Some days she doesn't "have it" and she'll lay there and make the most of our loving. She won't be ultimately satisfied, or maybe she'll be minimally satisfied, but she'll accept our loving for what it is. Something that husbands and wives do to recapitulate the consummation of our union, in a manner more than what the wife wants, less than what the man wants. Her acceptance of things as the are both aggravates and enthralls me.

I just finished reading the second third of the "sleep" chapter in LoTO. Sleeplessness is a modern epidemic, and its roots in our desire to be limitless are perilous to us as people. We have a burnout culture. Jesus spoke words that reverberate throughout all time. "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".

Lord Jesus, teach me to rest in You, to sleep. You are building the house, my Lord, and I hammering boards you place in front of me with nails that You equip me with. This one eternal life You have given me, not because I deserve it, but rather because I do not. In that I rest. In Your loving arms, forever.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Matt 11:28-30
Psalm 127

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