Sky Gaze Fam

Up to this point in Foster's book I have been overall pleased with nicety of the pursuits described. All things that make us happy: meditation, prayer, solitude, fasting. All of these are items in popular culture today with clear benefits. But now I dig into a chapter that is less commonly discussed, at the crux of my faith: The Cross! Foster explains clearly that he began with the "back door" to submission, because it has gotten such a bad wrap, been misconstrued, misunderstood. Folks either embrace submission wrongly (self-mutilation) or discard it (self-indulgence). I'm definitely in the latter camp, but I'm sure I have some unhealthy compulsions in the first camp, too. I mean, isn't self-indulgence just one form of self-mutilation? Are we not submitting to the god of the world? But if there is a crux issue for me, it is this: I have become slothful about my decision making. I let things happen. I'm just kind of standing by. In the meantime, I ple...

I behaved badly yesterday. I barked at a teacher, "you're not considerate" when he came to the office needing an install of software. Inwardly, I wanted my wife to just be quiet while I sat and worked on my data spreadsheet, a source of calm I've come to realize for me. In both cases, and throughout the day, I sensed hostility in me. Just leave me alone is what I felt throughout the day. I'm reading Foster now on submission, surrendering your rights. In that paradoxical way that most Christianity exists, so submission also is for liberation rather than bondage. Freedom is the goal, not subservience. The idea is to be in a place where you can freely give yourself to others, rather than being forced into that posture and stewing over it, destroying the soul. Lord, I behaved badly. Lead me to a place of true repentance for my badness. I feel that I am so worthy of being heard, of being followed, of having my way, getting to do the things that I want. It's s...

Life comes at us in one of two ways, from the outside, or from the inside. Life from without is trying to get in, and life from within is on it's way out. As I read the line for the title of this blog in Foster's book (CoD), my heart lept. We often sense goals as an outward push, something that forces into compliant behavior that arrives at victory. But I just had never thought about it clearly in the way stated so simply here: good goals are emergent more than scrupulously calculated. What that means is that we can sit in silence and listen to the song of the heart, and we will find a way to go.  Lord, do I listen to the song of the heart? I have become a machine of doing. Break my plastic casing, Lord, reach inside, find a beating heart and let that heart beat in sync with You. I've long tried to be about the scruples, but it is not a path fit for me. I'm no good at it. Help me to find the way of heart.  In Jesus Name, Amen

The phone is a wonderful device. It has kept us in communication for over a century now. When it first came out, it came as a wired device and stayed that way until sound waves were transmitted over radio waves as opposed to electrical waves in the cell phone. For more 100 years improvements were steadily made in the construction of the phone, but it was not until the transformational technology resulting in the cell phone that a real breakthrough in untethered communication could be had. Recently, I was at an ASCD conference where I had a chance to speak to a very open educator and her ideas changed my vision. I had heard about "transformational" leadership, but somehow in my mind this meant "leadership that gets improvements". Speaking with Ms. Carter about transformational curriculum made me realize that pursuing transformation is far more impactful than pursuing improvement. Of course, there should be a "duh" there, but the thing that may not be so...

Maybe I have sought a life of detachment. To be apart of everything. It disgusts me, even I disgust me. I want to be apart of it all. This Foster calls Eastern mysticism. The way of the East is complete detachment, connection to the nothing. On the other hand, Christianity is something different. It is a way of attachment. Complete dependence and reliance upon God. The provision of this attachment is the Spirit, afforded us though the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. But this is not found in the letter on the flat page. The beauty and pull of the letter is its permanence. It will always be there. But letters will not cease to flourish. Which to attend to? That is the way of the Spirit. God, Lord, Jesus, Holy Spirit, guide me in the Spirit. As I read through Foster's book, I realize how I have ever sought a way of the "law", a way that is fixed in the rigidity of the letter. I ask You open my heart, my mind, and my everything to a new way, a way in Your Spirit....

Last night Jess told me that she didn't trust me entirely. We had just come off of a Chicago trip where I carried on in my usual manner of excess. Lack of sleep, too much booze, lust, smoking, maniacal vision on the pursuit of education, and, of course, doing the family thing. When she said it, I knew what she was talking about. I'm out of balance. I got on the scale and was 5.5 pounds heavier than when I had left. Spring Break was not kind to me. It's often not. I'm not good outside of a structure, outside routine. As soon as there is a break, I fall to pieces. I'm hoping that Celebration of Discipline will be a source convergent with my other just-yesterday commitments to bring about the kind of consistency that can inspire trust. And that is a good hope, but further than that, at this stage in my life, I'm in need of more depth. Who can trust what I say? Who believes it? Do I even believe it? I feel like a do half of what I do to see if I can. Not good....